Parenting is a process of Mutual learning. As very rightly pointed out by M. Scott Peck in his book The road less travelled – ” The most basic culture in which we develop is the culture of our family”. We develop our world view and our sense of identity on the base of our interaction with our parents. Therefore it is the quality of parenting which we receive in our childhood is the biggest factors which will determine where we will end up in our life. https://tearingshoes.com/why-the-modern-education-system-is-making-us-all-fail-in-life/ Our childhood experiences play a huge role in the state of our mental health.
Therefore it is on the base of the quality of parenting they received that your toddler will decide whether to see the world as a dangerous place or a place full of opportunity and love as he/she will enter into the world as a mature adult. Following are 9 most important techniques or principles which will help you to send your toddler as a mature strong and loving adult into the world who poses the skills to change the world for better:
Spent quality time with your children because it the corner stone of good parenting
Quality time means the time which you choose to spend only with your children which are completely dedicated to them. This time is even more important than being a good role model for your child. First of all good discipline calls for time. It takes a lot of quality time for a parent to understand the area of our children which calls for our parental assistance.
This suffering which their parents wilfully dedicate for their development and growth which create a sense of being valuable and protection in a child. It will create a sense of self-discipline and confidence to enter into the world with an open heart in your child. Therefore self-discipline and confidence of a child is the direct result of parental love. Read here about the importance of spending quality with your child here: https://www.education.gov.gy/web/index.php/parenting-tips/item/1075-spending-quality-time-with-children
Our children need some good role models in their life. Parent’s actions are the way to do for a child. If the parents behave with self-discipline and dignity the child will accept it as a way to live.
Keep your promise to your child as a parent
Once you made a promise to your child never ever break it. Your children’s belief in you is the cornerstone of their internal sense of security. This sense of security above all help them to face challenges in life. Because they know that they will be secure when needed at home. Read here why it is important to keep your promise to your child: https://www.imom.com/5-reasons-for-keeping-promises-to-your-children/#.XRjNvegzbIU
Parents should help the child with their maturation process
Maturation is the development of an ability to distinguish between what you are and you aren’t responsible in life. All mental illness is related to your sense of responsibility in life. Your inability to take responsibility in life is called a character disorder. Similarly, your tendency to take too much responsibility for life is called neurosis disorder. Therefore parent’s can help a child with the development of the sense of responsibility throughout a child’s life.
Parenting is the art of judicious giving and judicious denying
Parenting is the art of judicious giving and judicious withholdings. Parents should learn to give at the right time and only the right things. Be it your time or love or material needs. Loving is not simply giving. It is judicious giving and judicious withholding.
Parenting is all about making your child strong and independent
There is no choice or freedom or growth in dependency. Therefore it destroys people. Furthermore, the reason for dependency is lack of sense of identity. Therefore parenting is all about making your child strong and independent.
Avoid narcissistic approach from parenting
First of all your children are not the genetic carbon copy of you or anyone else for that matter. They are a seprate entity with their own existence and personality. The inability of parents to understand the separateness of their children on an emotional level is called narcissistic parenting.
Narcissistic people lack empathy. Narcissistic parenting will result in non-recoganition of children’s feelings. This kind of parenting will make the children internally insecure. This will most of the time results in mental illness.
Don’t postpone problems related to your child
Problems do not go away by themselves. Rather they will get complicated with time. Similarly, there is no easy way out. Therefore parenting is all about facing the problems with an expectation of a great future.
Threatening children’s to abandon them is a big no-no in parenting
The biggest fear of every child is that of being left alone. Therefore never threaten them about abandonment. If you do that any reason the result will be children who are excessively fearful about their future.
Don’t impose parental discipline brutaly
Brutality and violence should always keep out parenting. Therefore always take time to examine the situation in hand. Only choose the right form of discipline for the situation in hand.
Don’t put the blame for your suffering on your child
Your life is the result of how you choose to react to what happens in your life. If you are suffering it’s because you choose to suffer. You are the only one responsible for your life. Your blame game will make them feel unwanted and invalid. They will enter and face the world as if they are unwanted. The world will become a dangerous and dreadful place for them.
The art of parenting is the art of balancing and guiding. It’s about both learning and teaching. Parenting is suffering. It is about pricing and criticising. As Khalil Gibran said your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life. You may strive to be like them. But never try to make them like you. All these nine principles are based on the great book The road less travelled by M. Scott Peck. I am very thankful for his great wisdom.