What is Forgiveness? How Does it Change Your Life in 11 Magical Ways?
Forgiveness is the magical drug which can turn your experiences into your strength and your wisdom. Because, as Dr Joe dispense mentioned in his masterpiece ‘ Breaking the habit of being your self,
A memory without emotional charge is called wisdom.
Forgiveness in my life
“You look exactly like your father and you are going to end up like him”! “You are not supposed to have any friends because your father always had many?”
These are the statements which I got to your almost on a daily basis, ever since I could remember.
Well, what is wrong with that Sarath, you are probably over reacting, right?
True. But the problem here is that I came to know my father as a drug addict, a womaniser, a hyper alcoholic and most importantly, as someone who singlehandedly destroyed my entire family and my own life.
Then, therefore, all this comparison not only becomes painful but also turn into childhood traumas.
All of it nearly destroyed my life. I almost believe that I am a loser like him and almost decided to end it once and for all.
But, a few years back the magic finally happened. I learn to forgive. And helped me to change my mess into my message. Hence, here I can confidently declare that forgiveness will guide you in your journey to be the best version of yourself. Let us try to understand in deep what forgiveness and how it can empower and heal anyone and everyone.
What Forgiveness is not about?
The idea of forgiveness has been misused and misunderstood by traditional religions from the very beginning. The religious approach had given people the wrong notion that forgiveness glorifies or excuse the offenders. That’s why I wanted to start this discussion by understanding what forgiveness is not about.
- Forgiveness is not about reconciliation. It is not at all about hanging on to harmful or abusive behaviour in fear of society or on the basis of a false sense of moral superiority.
- It does not mean to limit or victimize yourself on the basis of your past.
- Forgiveness is not about emotional suppression. That will only result in more stress, abusive mentality or narcissism.
- It’s not about self – bullying or self-pity. In fact, forgiveness is directly opposite to it.
- Forgiving is not about shifting blames.
- It’s not an easy process of course. However, it worths the effort as it will help you to be the best version of yourself.
- Forgiveness is not lack of action. It’s full of action in fact.
In simple terms, we are not talking about turning your life into a living hell in order to book your seat in heaven.
“Forgiveness into love” does not mean to simply let go. You still need to protect your self and take action if need be.
– The Code of the Extraordinary Mind
What is Forgiveness then?
Forgiveness is giving me a gift. That doesn’t allow the Narsis to control my daily life.
Forgiveness is a conscious choice you make for yourself. Psychologists define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance to the person or group who harmed you regardless of whether they deserve it. It’s a choice of kindness. However, we don’t do it for other people. Forgiveness is completely about you, your future and your life. Now, what’s that about? Let’s deep down into the benefits of forgiveness to see how it will heal your life and soul:
Forgiveness will take you Forward in Life by Making you an Action Taker
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
– Lewis B. Smedes
When we are hurt or victimize ourselves, it’s difficult to focus and move forward in life. We will be focused on our pain, vengeance or hatred. When we are holding on to the pain we won’t be able to think clearly or productively as we will be stuck emotionally and cognitively. Forgiveness is your only best respond here. It will help you to heal your internal wounds and move on. It will relieve you from victim mentality and traumas.
Unforgiveness will result in victimhood and fear of hurt. It will force you to hang on to your comfort zone and abusive relationships in fear of uncertainty.
Dr Joe Dispenza says that our brain is the record of past memories emotions related to it. If you recreate the past events in your memories, your brain believes that you are still living in your past. He believes that all this will result in we recreating our past life in our future.
Therefore, the only solution here is to replace the negative feelings like anger, vengeance or victimhood with positive emotions like empathy, self- confidence and universal love for everyone. I hope this may give you an idea about why you feel like nothing is changing despite all your efforts.
By choosing to hang to your past, you are allowing the negative experiences or people who hurt you to control your future and thereby destroy your whole life. Do you really want to do that to yourself?
Forgiveness will Help you to Break the Chain of Generations of Ignorance and Hatred
It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it’s such a powerful place, because it frees you.
– Tyler Perry
Those people who hurt others are doing so mainly because of ignorance. Most of them are blindly following the patterns of behaviours they have seen or taught to follow. Their problem is they are never able to question their values as they had not tried to explore or experience anything better. You must be too much certain about your own values if you want to hurt others around you. They are blindly piling up and adding to generations of hatred and ignorance.
However, hanging on to your past negative experiences and traumas thereof will only result in the even deeper wound, lack of empathy, in a negative world view, and most importantly into narcissism most of the time.
Narcissistic or negative people will always end up passing their attitudes, believes, and the pile of hatred to people around them, especially to the next generation. Because kids never listen to you. They will only mimic your actions. Because of the way you do it, is the way of life.
However, by replacing negative emotions with positive one like universal love, forgiveness optimism, you can break this chain of hatred. And you can open a new path to make the world a better place.
Forgiveness can Change your Bad Experience into your Biggest Strength
If we decided we can turn anything happen in our life for something good. You can turn your so-called misfortunes into your USPs.
Have you heard about ‘ the iron Lady of Pakistan’? Yes, I am talking about the one and only Muniba Mazari Baloch. She ended up in a wheelchair at a very young age. The doctors declared that she can’t be a mother any more. And the love of her life decides to live here for ever.
But she decided to forgive and move on. Now, she’s not only a happy mother but she became a source of strength for millions around the world.
In my cause, a few months back my father took his life. Not only that he took two other innocent lives too. While everyone in my family is taking it as a matter of shame to me it’s a lesson. I learn to become strong and responsible in life. To me, I feel empowered when I remember that, that where I start and I am able to keep move on the right path. That’s the power of will power and forgiveness.
Lack of Forgiveness can Destroy your Mental Health
Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
– Roberto Assagioli
Anger, resentment and vengeance release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. A fluent and steady presence of these hormones in your brain can take tall in your mental health. I forgiveness and corresponding negative emotions may result in anger, pain, victimhood, sufferings and depression. Lack of forgiveness may also result in a lack of empathy, narcissism or pride.
Forgiveness will Increase your Sense of Self-worth and Inner Strength
Forgiveness is a time-consuming process. It takes determination and will power. It requires sustained efforts. Therefore, when you overpower bitterness, it will give a sense of achievement and inner strength. It will also bring in peace of mind by eliminating the negative emotions.
Unforgiveness will result in self- pitty and self-bulling. Whereas forgiveness will replace it with higher self-esteem.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
– Mahatma Gandhi
Forgiveness will Help you Eliminate Limiting Beliefs
How many of you have met people who cannot trust or love anyone just because someone chooses the broke their trust in the past? However, the problem is not with what happened in the past. The issue is they never let go or choose to learn from it.
Unforgiveness can result in rumination which is a form of repetitive thinking patterns on the basis of past negative experiences. Psychologists call this cognitive thinking patterns where everything is either black or white.
Cognitive errors will result in a sense of certainty, insecurity, lack of growth or progress, sensitivity or fragile interpersonal relationships.
Forgiveness will fix this ‘everything is either black or white ‘ problem, which may another result in abusive relationships, depression or other mental disorders.
Forgiveness will Take you Out of your Comfort Zone
Unforgiveness will make you live in a red alert zone. There your brain will keep on telling you things like “watch out she is like your ex, “I know what is going to happen!” All this will stop you from taking risks, experiment and learn. Because of all these, you will compromise for a lesson life. You will never know how to be the best version of your self.
But forgiveness will teach you that nothing is certain until it happens. It will teach you every failure has a seed of success within and you can always learn and improve.
Kindness will Review your World View
The key to forgiveness is owning one’s own mistake, helping to rectify the situation and to learn how and why it happened. This will teach you that mistakes are human and hatred is a result of ignorance. You will come to know that everyone is special, unique and irreplaceable.
In this way, forgiveness will teach you to walk in someone else’s shoe. And this way you will be filled with a sense of universal love for everything and anyone no matter what.
Self-acceptance and the Urge for Improvements are the Best After-effects of Forgiveness
Forgiveness will make you humble and teach to accept your mistakes and ignorance. It will show you the mirror and break the reality for you. All these will make you humble.
Once you realise your mistakes you will start looking for improvement and progress in life. You will start to look for ways to use your time and energy in different and better ways.
Once you learn your mistakes you will learn to say anyone or anything which is abusive, controlling or nonproductive. Forgiveness will bring clarity and a sense of joy in your relationships with self and with the world as a whole. Your forward and progressive mentality and urge to learn and improve will bring in the right people into your life.
Forgiveness will Put an End to Destructive Patterns and Dogmas
Our mainstream movies, media, politicians and stories had filled people’s mind with a lot of destructive and wrong notions. They misrepresent and manipulate emotions for their benefits for many decades.
According to them,
- It’s macho to destroy and ruin many lives including your own in the name of revenge and vengeance.
- Choosing to be alone is unreal.
- Love happens only once or every person is made for someone else.
- Women’s worth is determined by motherhood or her sexuality.
- And many more.
Forgiveness will teach you that life is nothing like these and it’s all about choices. It will teach the worth of life and hope.
Forgiveness will replace the negative feelings like vengeance, self -pitty, certainty, limiting beliefs and heated with universal compassion, higher self- esteem, optimism and risk-taking mentality. It will turn your life into heaven by turning your brain from a record of past into a blueprint for the future and providing a positive attitude towards self and the rest of the world.
In simple terms, forgiveness is a choice which you make for yourself. it will teach you that life is all about moving on and become the best version of yourself. Not only that forgiveness will help you to guide your next generation into the right path. That’s why I strongly belive that forgiveness can turn your life into a heaven.