16 life lessons which loneliness will teach you

Loneliness, self- reflection and life auditing are the biggest tool in your hand to become the best version of yourself. Being left alone is the biggest fear of any newborn baby. Have you ever thought about why we are so afraid of loneliness? Because loneliness will ask you to figure it out all by your self. It is not only difficult but also painful most of the time. However in a world of ‘rat run’ if you ever want to have a life and identity of your own then you need to love your own company. How could you expect someone else to enjoy your company if you can’t stand yourself?

Loneliness does not come from having no people around but being unable to communicate the thing that seem important to oneself or holding certain views which others find inadmissible.

– Carl Gustav Jung

Loneliness is your biggest opportunity to understand and embrace oneself for who they really are. It will increase creativity and self-love in you. Read more on self-love here: https://tearingshoes.com/self-love/ Loneliness becomes an issue only when you are not able to enjoy your own company and not able to use it as an opportunity for growth. Folwing is the way in which loneliness, self-reflection and life auditing will make you stronger:

Loneliness will teach you to embrace and accept yourself for who you are

Wanting to be someone else is the waiste of person you are

– Marilyn Monre

Loneliness will teach you to be real. I was very much an outgoing, party-loving and friendly person. At least that’s what I thought I was. I was all about friends. And then the best thing in my life happens to me – depression. It showed me who I really am or what I really want to be. But during my therapy and self-reflection period, I learned that it was a fake personality. I was just blindly imitating people around me.

In reality, I am a lonely person who likes to spend time reading, thinking and writing. But I was afraid of being real. I thought people will find me boring. So I wasted a lot of time trying to be someone else. But you can never be happy or successful just by imitating others. Sooner rather than later life will show you what the reality is. And in my cause, I had to go through a lot of pain and learning in the form of depression and two years of therapy to be finally able to embrace myself for who I am. What is the one thing which is holding you back from accepting yourself? Please do comment below.

Now people have a tendency to validate the quality of life on the bases of “what people say”. Loneliness will teach you to embrace your self for who you are. Life auditing will provide you with plenty of personal insights. It will teach you to learn from your mistakes. Read more here to understand how to accept yourself completely: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/accept-value-yourself-ways-embrace-who-you-are/

Need is the mother of growth

Pay attention to your insecurities. They are not there to taunt you; but to show you where to heal.

Dr. Gabor Mate

Acceptance is the key to growth improvement and success in life. The first and most important stage towards an empowered life is to accept there is pain or something to change. Your pain is always asking for improvement. All wisdom or innovation started from the realisation that there is a need for something better.

Self-acceptance and self-love is the most difficult and most important stage in any individual’s growth. You should be able to acknowledge who you are with all our merits and demerits entirely. That’s the only point where you will start to do whatever is necessary for a life you want.

You will start looking for better health only you able to accept that your lifestyle is unhealthy. In order to find a better way to make more money, first of all, you have to accept that you are not happy with your financial condition right?

Loneliness is your gateway to creative imagination

Bill Gates spends one to two weeks every year on a personal retreat away from civilization every year. He uses this lonely time to think about new ideas. Read more on the story here: https://thriveglobal.com/stories/bill-gates-think-week/

In soltitude we give passionate attention to our lives to our memories t to the details around us.

– Virginia Woolf

Virginia Woolf always openly expressed about her inner loneliness. Loneliness is a state of mind where you feel disconnected from your surroundings. It will force you to express yourself through creative work so that you can feel connected to yourself. Creativity is all about reconnecting ourself to the infinite intelligence and to our own uniqueness.

Dr Joe Dispensa is of the opinion that to change our life we need to detach ourself from our environment our body and our sense about linear time. In other words, any kind of creativity asks for some kind of solitude.

Loneliness and life auditing will get you out of the parenting paradox

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you

– Kahlil Gibran

Now, how will you decide what you lack in life? Who told you that what does we need to haw a successful life. Well, Sarath we all know that right? We have been told by our parents or everyone around us. Well exactly. We all are told what we should or should not do in life. And that is the exact reason our life does suck. First of all, we all are wrong, always. Whenever someone says ” you should do this” what they really mean is ” be me” or “buy me”.

We all are made as unique. But the system put us all in the traps and made us all into’ copy cats’. Loneliness will make you aware of your self. It will help you to decide what you really want from life. Because loneliness will teach you that we all are wrong. Loneliness will teach you to embrace your own imperfections and how to make it a little bit better. Because there is no peer pressure to be like anyone else. All you want is to be the best version of your self. That is the only way to go forward.

Loneliness will teach you that you are not responsible for other’s failures or success

Putting your children or your partner responsible for your failures is the biggest no-no in parenting or family life. Such behaviours will make your children or partner in a feeling of self-doubt or a feeling of worthlessness.

Every person does things at their best knowledge. No one is perfect. But putting someone else responsible for your life is a clear form of escapism. We all do things because we want to do it. So putting someone else responsible for your failures is nothing but ignorance.

No one will live your life for you. You can’t hire some to do your push-ups for you no matter how rich you are. Whether you like it or not you have to do it by yourself. There are situations or tragedies which will change your life as you know it. But it doesn’t change the fact that It is you who choose to decide how to react to them.

Loneliness will liberate you from your unwanted regrets by teaching you that you are not responsible for anyone else’s life but your own. Thus, it will also eliminate your need for control. In any real relationships, all the people involved in it should be able to address their own problems.

Loneliness will teach you to take responsibility for your life and happiness

What you will become in your life is the result of how you choose to react to life

– Viktor . Frankl

– Man’s search for meaning

Loneliness will teach you to let go what you can’t control. No matter how hard we try we can’t control what people will feel about us. There are forces out there which will have a positive or negative influence on our life. However, we always have a choice. Because it’s always you who will decide how to react to what happens to our life.

Even though our culture parenting system or belief system plays a big role in our life we always have the choice to reject what is not good for us. That’s why It’s been said that ” life is 10 per cent what happens to you and ninety per cent how you react to it.

The blame game does feel good. Because first of all it will relive you from your responsibility of facing your pain and learn from it. It’s too much to do right? Secondly, it will give you a feeling of being morally right. Thirdly and most importantly blame game is an addiction and it will give you a high. Therefore like every addiction blame game will make you feel good for a short run. But in the long run like every addiction blame game too ruin your life forever. Loneliness and self-reflection will make you stronger by librate you from the most dangerous addiction of the blame game.

Loneliness will teach you how to overcome the fear of criticism

Loneliness and self- reflection will make you aware of your strength and weakness. This simple awareness will help them to get out of the need for other people’s approval. You will understand that your value depends on what you learn and do rather than what people say about you. The need for approval will hamper your progress.

Fear of criticism is the biggest hindrance in human progress. It stops people from pushing new ideas forward or taking initiative or learning new things in life. Loneliness and self – reflection will make one understand that the need for approval or fear of criticism is the biggest source of lack of confidence. This will encourage them to go forward in life.

Self – reflection will teach you how and when to say ‘no’

Lonely people are courageous. They are the biggest self lovers. They know that the biggest hurdle in their journey to success or personal growth is negative influence or negative people. Therefore they never stand toxic or abusive people. They have their own preferences. They won’t change their preferences for anyone else. In this way, they will have absolute control over what or who enter into their life.

Your ability to say “no” in life is one of the most important life skill. To become good in something you should invest all your focus on that skill for a long time. But to do that first of all you have to learn how to say no to distractions. People choose to stick in a toxic or unproductive job because of their inability to say “no”. Rejection will make you your relationships healthier. It will teach you to choose what is best fit for you.

Loneliness and self- reflection will eliminate your bad habits

Once you understand the worth of your life and the potential it will encourage you to stop those bad habits. The power of your will can help you overcome any limitations.

One of the biggest reason for any bad habit is our need to be fit in or the need for other’s approval. Once you learn to enjoy your own company you don’t need those bad habits as you will understand that you don’t need other’s approval.

Loneliness will teach you the importance of time management

One of the biggest challenge during life auditing is time. During the initial stage, you will struggle with time management. You may feel like you are wasting your time. However, self-reflection will teach you that one of the biggest hurdles between you and success is your inability to manage your time. Time management is the biggest strength of successful people. It will force you to find ways to use your time proactively.

Life auditing will teach you the importance of investing in your self

Loneliness will teach you to break out of your comfort zone.
Photo by Sam Kolder from Pexels

Once you know that you are responsible for the success of your life you will voluntarily start to put more time and energy on personal growth. Your personal spiritual and mental growth will become your primary preference. Lonely people may choose to read a book over a movie or a party.

Self-reflection will teach you the worth of good communication and deeper relationships

Once you realise your value and worth your time you will care more about people. Loneliness will teach you the importance of having deeper and meaningful relationships and conversations. Good communication is the best way to put your values in the test. It will help you to eliminate the old or limiting values. To lonely people, good communication is not only an opportunity but also a test of their values.

Loneliness will teach you to be nonjudgemental. Lonely people will always stand for what they believe in. They will always, therefore, anyone and everyone who is in need. They will always stand for themselves and for others. All of this will create deeper relationships. Lonely people will only have a fewer number of relationships. But they decide to say “yes” they really mean it.

Lonely people will never enter into a relationship for the sake of it

Once you will understand your strength and weakness; you will never do things just because everyone else is doing so. Lonely people will prefer the presence of a strong character rather than going for physical beauty. Once you have a proper understanding of yourself you won’t be able to stand a person without dreams.

Some may never go for a relationship at all as they know it’s okay and possible to enjoy your own company. They really don’t care about peer pressure.

Loneliness and life auditing will force you to break your comfort zone

You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.

– Roy T. Bennett

Loneliness will bring you face to face with your fears and limitations. It will teach you how these fears are stopping you from being the best version of yourself. This will make you fearless. Lonely people embrace failures and choose to learn from it.

They don’t need anyone else’s approval or support to try new things or meeting new people. They believe in continuous learning. Loneliness will take you to the unknown. It will make you a badass. A fearless soul. Self-reflection will teach you that uncertainty is the other name of life. This will make force you to live your comfort zone and enjoy the unknown while recognising the fear is still there.

Self reflectin will teach you the need to clear the limiting beliefs and grudges

Loneliness will show us the limiting beliefs or grudges we are holding in our mind. This beliefs or budges will create blocks or hurdle in our path to personal growth and success. This block could be passed on to our life from our parents or society or our loved ones. Once we realise the importance of clearing this grudges or blocks we will happily eliminate these blocks from our mind.

Most of these limiting beliefs or blocks are the result of ” passing the parcel game” as my therapist put it across. A pain or ‘the situations’ in your life is asking you to take action or change yourself in certain ways. But to take your pains by its horns and learn from them needs courage and discipline. Therefore we will decide to hold on to them. And unknowingly we will pass on our wounds and limiting belief to the next generation. Likewise, it will create a never-ending pattern of pain and negativity resulting in the creation of many helpless generations.

The Other source of our limiting beliefs and grudges are the parenting paradox or” the system”. We all are been told what to do and how to do it. There is a certain pattern in which a successful life looks like. As a result, will end up ruin their lives trying to fit in.

However, loneliness will librate from this anxiety and pain. It will teach you that the only one who should decide how your life should look like is you. Because everything meaningful will come from within and not from an outside source.

Loneliness and life auditing will clear your self-doubts

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.

– William Shakespeare

– Measure for measure

Going out of your comfort zone and meeting new people will expand your personality. Books will make you believe in your potentials or never-ending opportunities. You will understand that there is no perfect time to start. You will meet people who started in their late thirties or forties and went on to become highly successful. This will eliminate your self-doubts and fill you with enthusiasm.

In my cause, I am always fascinated by the life of countless people who started late or made their mess into their message. People like Abraham Linkon and Auther Toni Morrison( She wrote her first novel at the age of 39. However, she went on to win a Pulitzer prize at the age of 56 and a Nobel later on her life). The list is endless. Loneliness will open up you to the fact “its never late” and it will kill your self-doubt. Who is that one person (persons) who you always look up to? I would love to hear from you in the comments.

Loneliness will help you to understand who is your real friends are

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worse thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone

Robin Williams

We all have a tendency to fake it. Once you learn to be friends with yourself you will stop faking it. Then you will come to know who is your real companions are. They will stand with you and accept you for who you are. Real friends will encourage you to be real. Loneliness and life reflection will teach you to eliminate your old values or matrix which is responsible for the mess. It will make you add new dimensions to your life.

However, it won’t be as easy as it sounds. It can be really confusing and painful. Because it will cause a lot of pain in your relationships. Because all your relationships are created based on your old values.Once you start replacing those values with new ones it will have an effect on your relationships. A lot of those relationships will shatter in front of your own eyes. However, it is not a bad thing. You are not destroying your life even though you may feel so. You are creating a real-life which you always wanted. Take all this as a fleshing process. Because to build or accept something new; you have to always give up the one which is expired.


Loneliness and self-reflection will help you to be real by taking you out of the hands of “the system ” and parenting paradox. it’s your gateway for a creative life. Self- reflection will make you stronger and happier person by helping you figure out your own values.The self- audit will result in a fewer but stronger and deeper relationship. It will make you responsible. You will become the best version of your self by eliminating all the self pitties and judgements.

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Adewale, my brother,
    You are spot on. The thing is most us are trying to fill our emptiness by filling in people, money or things from outside. But it useless. As Dr.Joe Dispensa says, the emptiness is inside and nothing outside from you can make you fulfil. So the thing is don’t make love your purpose. Instead, grow your self and turn you into lovable. Because if you make love your aim, you will never receive it. Don’t listen to society, they are trying to make you buy you their products and their ignorance. You are right I am alone. But use it to learn about, life, self- love, awareness, my own worth and many more. I have been through depression. But I turned it into my biggest opportunity and am grateful that it happened to me. This blog is part of a series. Please do stay with me – I am trying to find some answers and some more is on the way.

  2. Your views about loneliness and it’s benefits shows that you’ve been their, very encouraging for those who are so troubled or fearful of been alone, I personally have had fears of been alone, will I be able to survive alone, but I came to understand that even as a man, I must not have to expect from any one, I am complete personality, I don’t need anyones approval or consent for my actions, the more I look unto others approval the more I am reduced, subdued and messed up.

    I must always look in words for my source of joy, strength and prosperity, this is my core of strength and that the gift am endowed with. I must never look outwards for strength.

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