Self-love will set you free from all kinds of self-judgments, criticism and your need for appreciation from others by teaching you to enjoy your own company. Self – compassion is the state of complete acceptance of yourself with all your strengths and weakness without judging or criticising for the mistakes you make in life. The base for self-love is a deep understanding of the fact that all humans make mistakes and it’s okay. It will help you to achieve your dream life by providing an answer to the most important question in life: https://tearingshoes.com/how-to-be-the-best-version-of-yourself/ by making you strong enough to take the complete responsibility for your own life and choices you made in it.
Definition of self-love
My personal definition for self-love goes like this – Self-compassion is a state of mind which will set you free from all those limiting beliefs or fears by eliminating all kind of self-judgement or your need for appreciation from other people by teaching you to enjoy your own company. Self-compassion is like a mother inside you. It won’t allow any harmful person, circumstances in life or thought pattern to come near you. Self-love will accept you with all your flaws and strengths. But at the same time, it will encourage you to keep on working and going forward in life.
Self- love is dangrous because it will set you free from all kinds of judgements and your need for appreciation from others. It will make you fearless and a highly cofident bad ass loving person
How does self- love will empower you?
My body is under unbearable pain for the last 12 years. It feels like someone is poking you with a needle all over the body. I can’t even stand for half an hour. Even though I am differently able, no one knew the reason for such unbearable pain. Hence every one thought I was faking the pain to avoid work. Everyone around me started to compare me to my father who was known to me as a selfish alcoholic looser. There was a time, where even I started to doubt myself.
However two years back doctors find out that I was suffering from cerebral palsy. My body had given up responding to my age during my teenage years. I am, told that I am also suffering from some learning disabilities like lack of concentration. That was the limit for me. I started heating every one around me. Life became nothing but an unfair meaningless drama.
I never thought my self as weak before. I grew up like a normal child with a high competitive spirit, even with normal children. This only made things worse. It was undigestable for me to believe that I am not like everyone else. I was angry and disappointed. I got clinically depressed. However, during my therapy, I got introduced to two things. First was my relentless effort to fit in. The second was the concept of self-love and self-acceptance. Both of these understandings changed me forever.
Do you ever wonder why there is so much emphasis on the need for the development of self-love recently? Take a look at the ways in which, the understanding and development of self-love will empower you to understand the power of self-love :
Self- love will eliminate your need for approval from others
- Self-compassion will teach you to enjoy your own company. This will help you to overcome the biggest dream killer in the world ever – ” What will people say.” You will start expressing yourself more openly once you lose this fear. Your tendency to attach your identity to your material success will also go down with the elimination of this fear. Even our need for being stylish or being ‘sexy’ according to some certain standards is based on this fear. With the elimination of the fear of ‘ what will people say’ you will learn how to to be comfortable under your skin. You will start feeling great about your self at all circumstances.
- Self-compassion will teach us to cherish and enjoy the small pieces of happiness around us. You will start noticing ‘the small – great things in life’ like the smell and beauty of a flower, the sweet sounds of birds, how great the food is, the beautiful smile of a child – the will goon forever. Once you start responding to all these, you will naturally become a happy and positive person. It will help you to understand that there are always reasons for happiness in life. Life is about how you choose to react to it. This mindset will also change all other areas of your life too.
- Self-love will teach you that the path to success is very narrow. You have to spend a lot of time in life searching and learning, sometimes even face defeats and pain on the path to success. You have to go through ‘the loneliness of God’ on the path to success. There won’t be anyone to share your failures or put the blame upon. That’s how the path to success and wisdom looks like. People tend to avoid this path due to their fear of legitimate suffering. That’s why there are not many people on the path to wisdom. But once you become valuable; you can always come back and take anyone who is willing to come along with you. This knowledge is what will teach you to enjoy your own company and sufferings.
Self-love will lead to a complete understanding and acceptance of oneself
- Self-love with the help of mindfulness practices will provide you with a complete understanding of your thought pattern. Mindfulness will also help you find the wounds which need to be healed inside you. Once you understand your thoughts you will have a clear idea about what you need from life. These understanding will make you a stronger and healthier person.
- A clear understanding of ‘self’ will stop you from the blame game. You will understand that your life is the result of your own thoughts and choices in life. It will help you to take complete responsibility for your own life.
- It is always easy to understand the purpose and how to add meaning to your life after came into a state of total acceptance of your own strength and weakness. Your decision to take responsibility for your own life will also help you in this process.
- A state of complete acceptance will add worth to your life. The realisation about your purpose or goal will also boost your self-esteem.
- It will teach you the importance of investing in yourself. Any person who is aware of his own worth, do know that life is a learning process. They may prefer a book or a self-growth podcast over a movie plan or a party.
- Self-love will eliminate bad habits. Once you know the real worth of your life and the power of your willpower; you will eliminate anything which has a bad effect on your health, life or on your relationships. A self- loving person will eliminate all factors like idleness, negative thought patterns, abusive relationships and people or any other unhealthy circumstances which will fuel bad habits. You know that you are responsible for your own happiness, health and wellbeing. You won’t need’ that great products’ in your life any more. Your source of happiness is inside you. This will help you to focus your, time and energy more productively.
Self-love will teach you that it’s okay to fail
- Self-love will teach you the worth of patience and persistence. Everything takes its own time. Treat your self kindly. Know that you are human anyway. It’s never late to start in life. There is no such rule that you should do or achieve certain things by a certain age. Do remember that Abraham Lincon was a complete failure till the age of 40. Both Jack ma and J. K. Ruling were not able to taste success Until they reach their late thirties. Steve Jobs was thrown out from his own company at the age30. The list is infinite. Do keep going until you make it. Every one does fail in life. This will teach you to make failures the stepping stones in your path and learn from them. If you want to know more about how you can start at any point in life; then read this brilliant article published by Rich Karlgaard in the Wall Street Journal: https://www.wsj.com/articles/its-never-too-late-to-start-a-brilliant-career-11556896617?fbclid=IwAR0VQDFZd2dMT0m-4zsH57V5Wfij70qN0zQ87LGdhk5jPBDpr-XhqSfN1rY
Self-love will make you see things as black and white and teach you to stand up for what is right always
- In self-love, you will learn to accept your own flows. This will teach you the worth of forgiveness. You will learn that mistakes are human. This understanding will help you to forgive others. Forgiveness will release the burden of the past and other people’s wrongdoings out of your life. This will make a stronger and responsible person in life. This will also fill happiness and relief into your life.
- Self-compassion will teach you to say ‘no’. Since there is no need for other people’s approval in your life; you won’t be afraid to say no to abusive behaviour or negativity. You will become confident enough to say no to all those people, jobs or so-called duties which will stop you from going forward in your life.
- It will teach you to focus on positivity. Because you know that you can’t control what happens in life. You also know that “you have to help yourself first before helping others”. Life is the result of choices we make in our life.
- It will teach you the source of your happiness is inside you. Because you can’t control what other people feel about you or the result of your action in the future. Therefore as rightly pointed out by Vishen Lakhani, self- compassion will teach you to be in love without attachment.
- Self-love will encourage you to ask questions. Once you came to face to face with the wounds and limiting beliefs inside you; you will start to ask questions. Because you know that your beliefs do create your reality. Questioning and searching are the paths to wisdom.
- Self-love will increase your leadership qualities. You will start to express your self more clearly. In self-love, there is no need for holding you back due to the fear of people. We will choose our self over anyone when we know that we are right. You won’t choose to swallow your words. Self-compassion will teach you to stand for yourself and also for what is right. You will learn to express your feelings respectfully. This will bring more strength and what you deserve in life. All these factors will make you a natural leader.
Self-love will make you the centre of your own life
- Self-compassion will make you the centre of your life while being madly compassionate about the world. You will learn to put yourself first. This will teach you to fix your preferences in life. This will teach you to do and say what you need to rather than what they want from you. In this way, you will learn to make yourself the centre of your life over your duties or over society.
Self- love will make you fearless
- Self- love teach you how to say yes to yourself and those great opportunities in life. It will make you fearless. Self- compassion will take you out of your comfort zone. A person who knows about self-love will always be in look for new experiences or to meet new people. You will start learning new things so that; you can improve your strength and overcome your limitations. A clear understanding of your goals, strengths and weakness will help you to say yes to life. It will make you a risk-taker in life which is one of the common traits in all successful people.
- It will bring the right people and circumstances into your life. Self- compassion will eliminate your need for approval. it will eliminate negative people and fears.
our brain will attract the forces the people and the circumstances of which harmonize with the nature of our dominating thoughts.
– Napoleon Hill
– Think and grow rich
Self-compassion will make you understand the strength of learning, forgiveness, risk-taking and a success mindset. This will bring into your life highly motivated and self-loving people and very positive circumstances. Once you started eliminating negative people from life; the right one will choose to stick with you. This will strengthen your relationships. This will help you to apply the mastermind principle in your life. In which two or more like-minded people will work together towards the achievement of a common goal in the same spirit. It will increase your chance to have a successful life.
Self-love will help you to develop the right habits
- Self-love will eliminate the problem of dependency. M. Scott Peck the author of the book The road less travelled believes that the reason for the problem of dependency is the lack of self- esteem. Self- compassion will eliminate both these critical issues completely.
- Self- compassion will improve your time management skills. Once you know your goals in life and your strength and weakness; you will understand the importance of time management. You will start to look for better ways to use your time. Time management is all about fixing your preferences. This understanding will help you to eliminate all factors which are preventing you from the better use of your time. All of us has the same hours in a day; the difference is in the way we choose to use it.
Self-compassion will eliminate all kinds of judgements
- You won’t stand judgements in self-compassion. You won’t judge anyone either. Self-love will teach you to walk in someone else’s shoe. You start to look at the reasons and situations which make a person the way they are. It will add to your wisdom. This will also teach you more about forgiveness too. You will learn to accept and love everyone for who they are.
- Self-compassion will replace self-criticisms with constructive suggestions. Harsh criticism is destructive. It will only create resentments and not love and affection. It will destroy your confidence. While constructive suggestions will find ways to change your defeats into lessons and weaknesses and pain into your strength. That’s how one can change everything happens in his life into good. This attitude will help you to find your purpose and add more meaning to your life.
Development of self-love is the turning point in your journey to becoming the best version of yourself
- Self-love will make you the best version of yourself. Life is all about embracing yourself with all your shades. Self-compassion will help you to find purpose and add meaning into your life. It will fill your life with everything that is right for you. In this way, self-compassion will make you the best version of yourself and thereby make the world a better place to be around.
Do you think there is any other way self-love will empower and change your life? Why do you think it is important to be in love with your self? Please comment them below.
How to develop self-love in life?
Following are the most important steps for the development of self-love:
Mindfulness and complete acceptance of oneself
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completly
– C. G. Jung
The starting point of self-love is your search for answers. Mindfulness practises will help you to understand your own thought patterns. Mindful practice is a process where you observe the thought pattern of mind without judging them. This pattern will show what you need from life. They will also show you some wounds inside you. Recommended reading: https://tearingshoes.com/spirituality-journey-to-the-ultimate-wisdom/
Once you realise a negative pattern or a wound inside you, go on and accept the fact that it is there. Acknowledge all your feelings. Then find the reasons for those feelings and take action on them. Never try to deny your feelings.
Forgiveness is another name for self-love
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that the prisoner was you
– Lewis. B. Smedes
No human beings are perfect. We all have flaws. Life is a continuous learning process. Everyone performs with their best knowledge. So there is no place for regrets. The main source of negative thought is our tendency to stick on to what happened in life. Life is 10 per cent about what happens and 90 per cent about how we choose to react to it. Acknowledge the fact that you are human and keep moving in life.
Grudges create a burden. You forgive others to make yourself free from the burden of their actions. Otherwise, you will end up dragging the burden of other’s action throughout your life. Furthermore, you will pass on the burden into the next generation. Therefore forgive to keep yourself free from the burdens and keep moving in life.
Negative thinking is the results of cognitive distortions
Negative thinking will kill your confidence. It is the biggest hindrance in the development of self-love. Anyone who knows about clinical psychology or mental health knows that negative thought and limiting beliefs are the results of cognitive distortions.
coganitve disortions are bised perspectives we take on ourself and the world around us. They are irrational thoughts and beliefs that we unknowingly reinforce over time.
one of the main reason for most of the character disorder or clinical depression is cognitive distortions. Therefore read more about cognitive distortions here: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/
So whenever negative patterns arise in your mind contradict it by giving a positive reaction. Similarly, ask yourself – what is the chance of your past experience will repeat itself again. However, to do that – first of all, go and learn about these errors first.
Expose yourself to the world of Spirituality and books if you want to develop self-love
I first came to know about self- love from the books I read during my therapy. It changed my world forever. All of our limiting belief and negative thoughts will go away when we realize that everything happens in life for a reason. You can turn your biggest pain into your biggest strength and source of achievement. Because you are not the only one who suffers from those limitations. So decide to be the one who is going to do something about it. Once you find an answer to your pain or limitations the same will become your biggest strength.
Go on and practice meditation. Read some great books. Thereby try to become a solution, not a problem. The motivation behind all great inventions was desires.
A burning desire to be and to do is the starting point from which all dreamer must take off
– Napoleon Hill
– Think and grow rich
Be more present in life
Your past is your strength. Don’t make it into your biggest burden. Our tendency to clinging on to what happened in the past is the biggest source of negativity in our life. Leave the future for the future. If you keep on thinking about the future you will end up forgetting the present. Overthinking about the future will only add to your anxiety. Be here in present. Because that’s where your life is happening. Explore everything and fill yourself with curiosity. Find What’s what and how it becomes the way it is. After all, that’s how we all were born. How do I know that? just look at those toddlers near you?
Live to travel or travel to live more
When you feel stuck travel to keep you moving
Travel to celibrate when you are happy
when you want to learn travel to discover
what ever you do make it a reason to travel
Travel more in life. It will make you fall in love with life. It will develop Self-compassion and a sense of love for the whole world at the same time. First of all, travelling will bring you face to face with your fears and sense of inferiorities. Then it will liberate you from the same fears by teaching you to overpower power them out of necessity. Travelling will make you a good storyteller and a good listener at the same time. It will teach you to dream big and feel grateful for what you have in hand at the same time. Exploring new cultures and meeting new people will add new shades to your personality and increase your wisdom. I can keep on going forever. So do travel no matter whatever happens in life.
Fill your life with the feeling of gratitude
Have you ever wondered why all those successes principle books are asking you to act as if you are already posses or having what you are asking for? Because it’s your thoughts and your feelings which creates your world and reality. Not your dreams or words. Napoleon Hill says in Think and grow rich that we will end up attracting people and situations matching our feeling. Why do you think millions around the world are not able to get out of poverty despite working really hard all their life? So, make it a habit to find three things for which you are proud of your self. Find 3 more things for which you are grateful in life. Say it loudly and feel proud of your life.
Take Your self seriously
Why? Because there is no one more important than you in your life. Put your self first. Do everything and anything which will add to the physical, mental or spiritual growth of your self. Be mindful and aware in life, because each of your thought patterns shows a direction in which you should be heading towards in life.
Your physical health is very important. Take good care of your diet and habits. Make sure to exercise daily. Because there is nothing else will add more to your self-esteem than the one you see in front of your mirror.
Self-love is not selfishness. In fact, self-compassion is the direct opposite of selfishness. It is the base ground where the seed of universal acceptance and compassion will grow. Self-love is the ability to see life and the people in it without judgement. It will make you a magnet towards which all the forces which are working for a better world will get attracted.