Why our younger generation is terrified by the concept of marriage? It’s because our outdated expectations or concepts about marriage are not changing with time. Most importantly, stop looking for that perfect matching partner of yours. First of all, take a look at those matrimony columns and it will show you how outdated our concepts and expectations about marriage and family life are. This same unrealistic and outdated concepts are the reason for the ever-increasing rate diverse in our society in the twenty-first century. Recommended reading: https://tearingshoes.com/how-to-start-from-nothing-in-life/ These same outdated concepts are the reason why more and young people chose to not to get married too. Our concepts on marriage and family life need to change to the following direction to make our relationships stronger:
Every one should get married to have a successful life
Its high time that we change this wrong notion about marriage. Every human being is unique in their own way. Each one of us reacts differently even to a similar situation. We all are born and brought up with very different outlooks and belief system. Some of us are very outgoing. While some are very reserved and individualistic. We all have different preferences and purpose in life. Even our concepts about life, purpose or success in life itself are very much different and unique from each other. ‘One size fits all actually fits none’.
It’s high time for our society to learn to recognize and respect an individual’s choice on his/ her life. It’s very much up to individuals to decide what to do with their life. There is nothing like a right or wrong decisions when coming to individual life choices. There are only choices.
Stop looking for that perfect match for you
The social tool of marriage came into existence to bring two people together so that they can help each other in life to achieve their dreams. Therefore we should be actually looking for someone who is different from you but has the ability to understand you. A partner who poses a different set of interests, skill set and taste in life will bring along with them, a potential growth opportunity of your personality. That person will widen your outlook towards life. A life with such a person will give you direction to your life. Such a person will make your life filled with thrill and excitements.
A person with similar outlooks and taste may feel great. But to be honest, most of the time there won’t be anything much to learn from each other. That’s one of the reasons why seemingly perfect for each other couples will find each other boring very soon.
Our family is our base camp not the top of the summit
Having a family is not an end goal. It’s not the end of your summit or your life. Marriage is the beginning of a great life together. AS rightly pointed out by M. Scott Peck, the family should work as your base camp where you prepare yourself for that great summit of life. The family should be your source of that great feeling of security where you always want to go back when you need support. You should use your family as a base camp where we prepare our self and our kids for that great summit towards our dreams in life. But remember marriage and family should not be your aim in life. It’s not the top. it’s the base camp. Your ability to climb properly will depend on the amount of support you receive from your base camp.
Nobody ever told us that people fall out of love
From our childhood onwards we have been made to believe in that happily ever after stories or movies. But in reality, people do fall out of love. This myth of romantic love has everything to do with the formation of the ego boundary. An infant is born with limitless potentials. But with its interactions with the world, a one or two-year-old will started to create or understand it’s boundaries or limits. Slowly a child will come to know that he is more or less alone in the world.
But as we become adults the world will start to tell you that there is someone who is made just for you. The world will promise you to bring that person into our life by marriage. People will make you believe that now there won’t be any boundary between partners and we will happily choose to believe it. But once the honeymoon period will be over we will slowly understand that our partner is a completely separate individual. He or she has a separate life or outlook and personality of there own. Ego boundary will start creeping in putting an end to the myth of romantic love. That’s when people start to fall out of love.
No one ever told us that real love starts after we fall out of love
Falling out of love in marriage is not the end of love. Once we realize that our partner has a separate life and dream of their own that’s when real love between two people begins. Once partners came face to face with each other’s uniqueness, that’s where and when the real love will be born. That’s where two people will either decide to stand for each other out of there love for each other or will decide to part their way from each other out of respect.
Marriage is not a substitute for your loneliness
In India, It is kind of a tradition to force people to get married if they seem like purposeless or struggling with their life. There seems to be a popular belief that everything will be okay once people get married.
How can you expect someone to manage another entirely different person’s life when they don’t know how to manage their own? More over how could some one expect another person to enjoy his /her company when he himself doesn’t enjoy his own? Get married only if you have a life and purpose which you are proud to share with your partner.
There is no place for dependency in true love and Marriage
Real love can happen only between two strong individuals. When you need another person for your survival you are a parasite on that individual. There is no freedom choice or personal growth in a dependent relationship. The reason for dependency is the lack of sense of identity. Dependency destroys people. It promotes infantilism. Therefore dependency on marriage and family life destroy the purpose of marriage itself. Because the purpose of marriage life is to increase the personal and spiritual growth of each other by mutual support.
Dedicate your entire life to your children
It’s true that parenting is the cornerstone of marriage life. But parenting should not become the sole goal in family life. Your children are not coming from you. They only come through you. Your children are completely separate individuals from you. You should allow them to have their own dreams and belief system. Their life is not a continuation of yours. You should try to be a great guide for them. But never expect them to follow your footsteps.
This outdated concept is one of the main reason which is creating problems in married life. Once kids are grown up and express to have a desire to create a separate life for them self parents started having a guilty feeling of worthlessness. To have a successful marriage life you should create a separate identity or life of your own.
There is a perfect age for marriage
This is just utter nonsense. Every individual takes their own time to get things sorted out. Some may have perfect clarity on life whereas some may not. You can’t expect people to figure out everything by the age of thirty. J. K. Rowling and Elizabeth Gilbert both started their creative life only at their thirties and went on to become highly successful both in their field and in their life.
Colonel Harland Sanders the founder of KFC started tasting success in his venture only at the middle of his forties. He has to face a series of rejections and failures before went on to become the founder of one of the biggest chain of business in the world. Read the fascinating story Colonel Sanders and KFC here: https://www.snagajob.com/resources/the-inspiring-life-story-of-kfcs-colonel-sanders/. We all Know How Steve Jobs and Jack Ma were made to go through huge struggles before becoming successful businessmen. There are people who find their everlasting love only after turning thirty-five. There is no such age as the perfect age to get married.
Understanding is the most important Factor for a successful marriage
Finally, marriage is a concept were two entirely different individuals will come together to create a life long relationship. So the most important aspect of successful marriage life is understanding. People do changes so do their outlook and physical attributes and preferences in life. Our mood does swing. No one can be the same forever. Therefore the presence of an understanding mindset in partners is the biggest factor which determines the success of marriage life.
To put it simply we have to get out of the bubbles of our myth and fantasies to have a successful marriage life. We should have a strong personality, individuality, dreams and life of our own to be successful in married life.